Stay strong

I know that I have not written again. Blah blah busy bitch! But it’s true… I was always told don’t start a sentence with the word BUT, but it’s needed for christs’ sake!

So this blog covers 2 things. I have been asked by a few people to keep a diary…. I will start soon.

I thought about focusing on my care side with my dad but frankly no one wants to contemplate suicide (no offence but it can be a tad depressing) so it’s going to be my day to day musings.

I swear a lot and I won’t take that out.

I have contemplated writing it on the old laptop but I think said blog on said mobile may be quicker and more instantly gratifying?! Let’s see…. keep your eyes peeled!

So. Dad is todays’ subject… Where do I start?

Saturday night was poo. It was telephone poo because I wasn’t around. We may have dementia but we can always speed dial me!

He wants rid of his carers. Not the paid ones oh no! The daughter one. Aka the taxi/chef/drink maker/ travel arranger/ translator/tv repair lady. Nope we still want and need her! Of course we do.

So Sunday arrived. Speed dial once more only to tell me that he’s had enough and wants to die. I point out that I can’t help there… he proceeds to tell me that he’s going to open the window and jump!

Now please don’t panic.

Firstly he can’t actually open the windows for toffee and secondly …. I know him and he won’t do it!

He hangs up when I wish him all the best with the window opening. I think it’s more down to the fact he pressed the phone too hard against his ear but still I call back. In fact I do so on and off for 4 hours in total! Mobile and land line. Nothing. His lunch is delivered and he’s not there so we undertake a mini search party; nothing!

One more thing before I call 999; the warden. Guess where he is/was? Oh … in bed ignoring everyone.

Let’s say he got short shrift.

I made an executive decision to not see him that day for fear that either he or I may break. Literally.

Monday. So so.

Tuesday. Back on the suicide number.

But this is (yes but again to start a sentence!!) where you may start to understand why I am quite relaxed with it all.

As he sits for breakfast which his non paid carer has laid out (that’s me!!) once again he shows me his palms! See here he says? Frankly I have no idea what I am looking at… the lines he says. Now I am not stupid, ditsy yes but not stupid. The lines are because you’re old dad… no he says. That’s where I cut myself yesterday when I could not work out how to open the window!

How did you do it I asked… (there is not one cut in sight) we with a sharp knife he tells me!

Anyway we sat and watched the news in an attempt to distract to which he told me how much fun those Thai boys stuck in the cave must be having….


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