We can start here today.

These are the missed calls from dementia dad overnight. Thankfully I have the foresight to turn my phone on to ‘do not disturb’ because let’s face it; it could have been a long old night.

But don’t worry. He left me plenty of voicemail!!! Lucky old me… but the joy did not stop there. Let’s explain why he called all those times. He wanted to know when he was having dinner… yes dinner! Thankfully I can only assume that by the time the last call was made (just before 0200) he had taken himself off to bed.

When I arrived this morning it became evident he was not in bed at 0200! In fact it resembled a good party with food.

This is evidence number 1. Oh what a police woman I would have made! Dad loves the soft scoop stuff. He actually likes affogato which is why he has this. But today this baby was in the fridge along with an exploded can of coke. That too must have been in the freezer in a previous life and at some point overnight he simply placed it in the fridge, along with the ice cream, which then chose the path of least resistance and burst.

It hurts all over the fucking fridge which I had filled with various yoghurts, a plethora of fruit and cravendale milk (my saviour) because I am going on holiday tomorrow…. but the fridge distracted me.

I then found countless yoghurts in the freezer; but of course I hear you say. Again I am distracted but the floor felt sandy…..picture a first floor flat approximately 1 hour from the nearest beach…. trying to narrow things down at the crime scene. It’s only jeffing cheese cake!

The top of said cake had clearly been consumed during the midnight feast albeit the base, buttery or otherwise, had been dropped and trampled all over the floor.

Normally this would not be an issue but dementia dad recently took it upon himself to clean his hoover. There really was no need but clean it he did with water…. it doesn’t work!

Remember I have 30/40 minutes to turn things round in the morning.

So today we (I) managed to wash up, clean out an entire fridge, wipe down a wall which had food on it, get dementia dad dressed and showered, prepare breakfast, make the bed and all in under 30 minutes with someone who looks like a rabbit in the headlights!

And breathe. This bitch is getting 3 weeks off care!!!!!

#bollockstothursday