Guilt

Guilt. One of the 7 sins from what I can remember … I am not catholic but due to my upbringing I may as well be. Christened yes but with catholic values. A sort of 50/50 you could say?

Whilst I believe in a lot of their mumbo jumbo I also believe that religion is the beginning of most of the problems we see in todays’ world; my opinion so don’t send me hate mail. You will only get told to fuck off..

Anyway. Guilt. So we are away on holiday as I write this today. In fact I am sat on the beach taking full advantage of the wonders of roaming!! Use it or loose it. Don’t worry. I fill my boots every bloody month. I have even been sharing my data… check me out!!!

So I am sat here and I feel guilty. Guilty whilst sat on the beach! Why? Well it’s back to dementia dad. Needless to say that whilst we have been away (1 week today) we have spoken every day on countless occasions. Normally for him to moan about not a lot but moan he does. I spoke to him yesterday as he was going out for the day only to be told that he almost shat himself and had a terrible case of the shits so stayed in. ‘Do you know I have not eaten all day’ … I pointed out that it was probably for the best that he had starved for the day (that I truly doubt as the dementia does not enable him to remember most present things) and that surely if you think you’re going to shit your pants you’re clearly better off at home anyway? Nope wrong answer again…. anyway I feel guilty. What could I do if I was there? Who knows but I feel bad. I am not an only child but the brunt is heavily on my shoulders.

I have even reprogrammed his tv from over here with the help of his carer! Even she was speechless… it’s Portuguese tv before you wonder why I am being so billy big balls about that simple achievement! Even dementia dad was clapping in the background. Imagine being at the stage when you can’t even switch your own tv on let alone change channels…; shit!

So I bumped into a neighbour today whose mother has dementia. She’s so utterly depressed and was very surprised to find me so upbeat and able to laugh… as I said to her what fucking choice do I have? The last time my dad spoke to said neighbour he told her of his wonderful operation back in the UK… sit down and get a drink readers.

So here is where the guilt is lessened for me as I remember the stories like these…..She wanted to know what pioneering operation dementia dad had done. Imagine my surprise as I was totally unaware of any operation apart from a recent crown replacement and some bottom work (yes of the arse variety)…. then I remembered a story I heard him tell about 3/4 years ago over the garden wall…. it would appear that dementia dad had his head cut open like a sardine tin. All the way round don’t you know. They removed his brain (still with me I hope?!). Cleaned it. Put it back in. Zipped it up. Cured! Now dad has no scars nor any visible evidence and frankly if anyone out there can remove someone’s brain to simply clean it of dementia to simply ‘put it back in again’ then you can email that shit over right away…. I am waiting for those emails…. yours truly from here…

Incase you thought I make this shit up!

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