So almost a month has gone by since I last blogged/wrote/vented. I am officially crap; don’t bother emailing to tell me. I am my own worst yet frank critic. I would like to say I am lazy but frankly it’s just being too busy to take fingers to screen aka pen to paper?

So I lost my writing ‘mojo’ after dad behaved like a wanker but I have decided to persevere because deep down as much as it kills me, he isn’t 100% to blame for the crap he gives me. Even though I sometimes wish I could ship him for someone else to take care but I am in too deep and have come too far to let go now. I am a all or nothing chick…. language included.

So let’s go back.

My readership levels have literally blown me away… no smutty jokes if you don’t mind! I have had some lovely emails from people I have never met who follow my shizzle and I (oh the inner catholic) feel guilty for not writing. So here I am. Apologies if there is not a huge amount of care related stuff but dementia dad has had to take a back seat in the last few weeks. Don’t worry he reminds me of this on a regular basis because he loves me so!

In short this blog is going to be a mix of the last month.

If you read my blogs you will know we went away and had to lie to dad about where we were because he would have wanted to come. That didn’t stop the countless calls and blackmail behaviour akin to ‘if you loved me and I was part of your family you would not have left me here’… you get the picture.

He fell over whilst we were away not once but twice but again I won’t bore you with the crappy details. My eldest remarked whilst we were away that it wasn’t really a 100% break for mum… aka mummy holder. Tell me something I don’t know!

So we got back from travels to more wanky dad behaviour. My brother came over from Thailand the day we got back to attend a funeral and we thought we would surprise dad with his arrival. We also took the decision not to mention the funeral to dad as he’s fixated with death already and should anyone ever call from Portugal he always says ‘who has died’… cheery…as the funeral had no bearing on dad we played parents and kept quiet. Let’s also say that a person out of the context of where they would normally be (like the brother being in Bangkok) is enough to unsettle the routine of dementia not to mention the bolshy crap after my brother left because dad doesn’t really need me apparently. That being said dementia dad told me he wants to go on a cruise recently but because I am such a terrible terrible daughter (1/3 of his brood!!) I won’t let him go.

Here is how I sold the cruise. You will like this. You want to go dad? Then you have to book it all yourself using a computer. His reply was not very forthcoming… the cruise has thankfully now taken a back seat as his latest infatuation is mobile phones (too long to bore the most patient planks of wood drying with paint on) and pants from primark. Glamorous I know… going back 10 years ago dad would not be seen without his classic Calvin Kleins or D&G briefs. Dementia you do know how to fuck someone up to say the least.

So dad is getting worse. Again there is no manual but the words are becoming an issue even in Portuguese now. His descriptions are getting more random and eating now is always with a spoon….

Dad aside we came back to get the old results shizzle for both kids and it was amazing news on all fronts and now the eldest is about to fly the nest (tissues will be used in abundance) but I do look forward to the calls/what’s app messages and FaceTime whilst he’s trying to cook… he’s coming back most weekends where I will have my Red Cross food parcels ready to according to Mr H.

You must remember that I am half Portuguese and an empty tummy and a lack of bread is akin to being very very sick!

I forgot to mention that I also made it to St Ives in Cornwall (seriously jeffing miles away) with 2 girlfriends and fell in love with a little bit of what felt like being abroad in the Uk. Cornwall has taken a little piece of my heart and having lived by the sea before it made me realise that being able to see the sea from your house (not just a river) but actual sea, really makes me tick in more ways than one.

I digress … bringing it back to kid stuff… So just before the eldest leaves we went to a festival together last Saturday; his first and I think he may be hooked… here is the boy and myself @SW4 on Saturday. A mini Rave in Clapham Common.

It takes something to go with your mum to these things at 18 and whilst I would do such things with my parents, even clubbing with my dad just over 10 years ago (not now I hasten to add) I know that it’s not a terribly British thing to do so it would appear their upbringing has been ok….

Much love to all as soon it will only be mummy and daughter at home … and my diary can start!

I will not leave it a month this time. MOJO is back on…