In the Words of Craig David.. 7 days.

7 Days. Craig Davids’ may be better than mine. Lets’ see where the similarity ends… play along if you please.

Monday. Time is off the essence on a Monday as I have to get dad up and out and to the day centre. Remembering he has 2 speeds; sloth and Ferrari. He goes to shower and gets stuck on the bathroom. I pick the lock (a new skill I have acquired thanks to my dads’ regular lock ins) and get him out. He appears with a flannel for a towel. Think Adam and Eve or loin cloth. I also noticed that he had put his pants back on but both legs were in one hole. He was unhappy for me to assist, clearly as I am the one ruining his travel plans, and penguin waddled to get dressed. That also went horribly wrong. Once again 2 legs in one hole. Suffice to say that he’s up and dressed now and ready for who knows what. There is nothing quite like seeing your naked dad in such a frail state to start the day. Anyway after work once again I park my car in the supermarket car park (it’s big) and I can’t find it so I spend 10 minutes dragging dementia dad up and down at a snails pace complete with trolley only to find I left it in the disabled bay right outside the bloody shop! Genius. He got smart and asked me who had dementia him or me?! No one likes a smart arse…

Monday. Craig David Simply got Monday.

Tuesday. What a fucking start. I have a lot of hair so I decided to wash it. No biggie but short of a blow dry I look like crystal tips on meth. Frankly it’s shit and long and resembles a bush! Anyway my time keeping is so pants that apart from my iPhone all my clocks/watches are 4-5 minutes fast. Madness I know but it would appear the my brother has the same problem…. anyway I run late to dress dad. Coupled with shit traffic it’s not going to plan and today I start work slightly earlier so need to get this shit moving. Sadly when I arrived at dads’ he was asleep yet woke all over the shop. There was a suitcase by the bed. Never a good sign. Recently he’s started talking about going to Portugal quite a lot. Whilst I feel sorry for him I know him better than he knows himself right now! He cannot understand that he cannot go alone. Sad times when the child becomes the parent….

Tuesday. Craig took her for a drink.

Wednesday. My dementia dad full day of care today.  Fuckety fuck fuck balls. Dad refused to shower today. Apparently he does one day on and one day off. So I will apologise to anyone that comes into close contact today… he’s smelt better. So we start with paying his bills (apparently he doesn’t have any?!) and then a visit to the dentist. If you read my blogs you will know that he lost a tooth in May whilst trying to gnaw rabbit bones for marrow. Sadly we didn’t notice the missing tooth until he showed me a nail literally protruding from his gum. Anyway to the dentist we go (again) as apparently when he licks his teeth (nice I hear you say) the new one is sharp. No shit Sherlock the others are almost 70 years old? Anyway off we go where once again I have to do my best translating services. Imagine my shock when he tried to show both myself and the dentist that his tooth in question was infact up his nose complete with finger? I shouldn’t laugh but the poor dentist wasn’t sure where to look as I fell about laughing as the finger attempting a deeper demonstration of the tooth? FML

Wednesday. Craig was making love by Wednesday.

Thursday. I will be honest the youngest has had a charisma bypass. The hormones are to blame but frankly man up! What was a lovely amenable polite non grunting beautiful young lady is no more. The beautiful bit yes but the grunting is simply magnified as are the mood swings. I am actually contemplating going back to uni myself in a simple attempt to leave home for a couple of years and to then return when this phase has passed. Extreme but then again so are the moods. Don’t worry though because these ‘swings’ are only for my benefit so should you see her you may want to accuse me of being a liar?

Thursday. A repeat of Wednesday for Craig…greedy bugger!

Friday. After attending his weekly visit to the day centre Dad had decided to play what can only be described as what’s app Russian roulette. He basically scrolls through pressing to ring people and due to the state of his brain he simply goes along with whomever answers; what a game he’s invented. Anyway after speaking to various relatives he’s decided that he’s flying alone and going to visit them. He’s then going to catch the train from Porto to the Algarve…..you get the idea that this cannot and will not happen. Only yesterday he attempted to enter my car through the bonnet. Sadly I have had to contact said cousins who were very surprised as they thought I was coming too?

Friday. Once again Craig is at it!

On Saturday and Sunday Craig chilled. I cooked the arse out of the kitchen. Drank way too much gin whilst spending time with the ones I love. I also attempted to chill.

I guess Craig and I finally got something in common?!

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