Today Dad turns 70.

I cannot put into words what that means. Not because I am pleased that he has made it to the grand old age of 70 but because no one from Portugal has once tried to visit him over here apart from his granddaughter late last year. They are a strange race the Portuguese.. they like things the Portuguese way with their Portuguese food yet for a country rich with a history full of exploration and travel I am often at a loss as to why they staycation so much but then again if I lived over there I probably would too I guess… we did as kids but still… it is his 70th!

Anyway. Dad. He is 70 today. Almost 9 years ago he remarried in the hope, I guess, that the last wife (number 4) would be around to care for him in his latter years. Sadly once again ruled by his dick and his ego he choose a real winner winner chicken dinner with the 4th. Nice enough lady of 27 years old (WTF I know right!!??) but frankly she was clueless. Imagine a programme on the Discovery channel where they stumble across an Amazonian tribe… well that was pretty much where she was from. Not quite Amazon jungle, as that was where her grandmother came from but you get the idea. She had never left Brazil, could not drive let alone cook and didn’t even own a passport but dad armed with his usual cash flow swiftly sorted all that out along with her fresh teeth and new hair and all that high maintenance shizzle, not to mention a vast new wardrobe, Louis Vuitton bags… blady blah. You get the idea. Sadly when dad bought her to Portugal I think he was hoping for a cooking/cleaning miracle which sadly never happened. Dad has always been keen on the cooking/cleaning variety but with this one he had fallen foul. When they returned to Portugal coupled with dad starting to behave strangely, which even she had noticed, the marriage was destined to fail from the very beginning. I suppose the only upside on number 4 was that bigamy was not committed this time round.

So 70. When I look back to dad’s 50th we (me in the early stages of pregnancy) at the hotel he owned, named after my brother and I, surrounded by friends and family who had travelled from afar celebrating together, never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that dad would be how and where he is to this day.

70. Looking back at dad’s 60th I can see some of the beginnings of our current issues. He had sold the hotel the year before and was starting to invest/blow it on utter crap. Face lifts, a gold diamond encrusted Rolex, new cars, several round the world cruises combined with narcissistic photo shoots for 1, once again never in my, nor anyone elses’ wildest dreams, we would have imagined that dad would be how and where he is today. Yes he had a few friends and family around for the 60th but it was not a patch on the 50th because karma was starting to take place on what dad had done in the past. Payback is a shitter for all those around too and the domino affect keeps rolling to this day.

So back to 70. If you read my blogs you will know that I have 2 siblings. None of them apart from me are present today. Dad has a a couple of close friends, several cousins and a sister in the north of Portugal, of course they may call but are they here? No. Frankly dad may as well be a very lonely orphan at this moment in time.

What are we doing to celebrate you may wonder…. well I (current devils spawn aka the middle one and the only child to care) have arranged a meal with my kids, his carer, and some of my family. Sad is what springs to mind and yes you could say hey you know what when you get to 70 there are not many friends left… well his are! Yet here they are not. I recall when his mother (my Portuguese grandmother) died and I could not attend her funeral yet over the years had visited her more than any of the others even stopping off to see her when we drove down every year but that was swiftly forgotten about when she went. Yet here is where I sit. Caring whilst dad still needs me. It affects all my family in my house because it affects me. He may have moved and sure the carer’s pick up where I left off but I still have to orchestrate the money, the bills, the food, the varying doctors appointments not to mention accompanying him at every verse end so that I can translate and explain everything on his behalf. Only this week he has wandered off twice with one such escape resulting in a call to the police. Thankfully he was found and all was well but how long does this go on for. The referrals for care homes have now been made and things are starting to be taken out of my hands.

So 70. What can we all learn? I suggest surrounding yourself with people who want the best for you and not because of what you can do for them or what use you can be to them. Be with people with whom you speak to and not solely through the power of social media. Those people whom if you didn’t speak for 6 months you would simply carry on where you left off. Check in on loved ones and those who are dear to your heart. Don’t shit where you eat and if you are lucky enough to make it to 70 I only hope and pray that you are well enough to enjoy it and remember it. Take actions whilst people are alive and not when they are gone and you are reminiscing over the past.

And me at 70? I hope to be smoking well and drinking Gin a plenty. I hope to be so bloody tanned that I may fade to a deep shade of mahogany. I hope NOT be the proud owner of either a moustache or a large hairy growler (sorry these are my wishes) so let’s hope the kids don’t move too far away because I can’t see FaceTime showing those bad boys up. I hope to still enjoy the listening to loud music regardless of whom I am with. I hope that I still enjoy driving with the roof down as I always have. I hope that I still love the feeling of sitting in the sand with the sea salt in my hair. I hope that I still want to have and enjoy sex with Mr H albeit he will be 80 if I am 70….. I really hope that those I hold close to my heart today are still with me in all those years to come but most of all I wish for good health and a sound mind because without those 2 the rest may as well be a piss in the wind and turning 70 will be as much use as tits on a broom.

Happy birthday dad.

Feliz aniversário para hoje.

Um Xi.