I thought I would bring you up to speed on dad.
Dad, alongside having the occasional toilet related accident has started to hallucinate. So much so that during the final trip to Portugal he apparently spied a naked woman.. that was me but he still can’t get his head round that. I would not believe it too had I not have been the woman in question sat on the toilet when he walked in to have a conversation about taking a bath in the jacuzzi which I put swiftly put an end to!
Hallucinating. No one can prepare you for that shit. I mean it. Over the past few weeks dad has talked of a man. Clearly I did some ground work in contacting the warden of his flat blah blah blah and yes there is in fact a new male carer. So I chose not to panic, yet the conversations of the man continued until about 3 weeks ago when I asked him to show me the man and what followed was not what I was prepared for.
He directed me to follow him to the bathroom telling me to be quiet. As we enter said room we are met with a sink and a mirror above. We both stood and looked into the mirror whilst he pointed and shouted in Portuguese ‘GET OUT’. To be honest I was speechless which was then swiftly followed by my laughter. I pointed out that I was also in the mirror… he could not see me at all. He turned to me looking extremely angry. I once again reiterated that we were both in the mirror to which he replied ‘now who is fucking nuts can’t you see that he has gone!?’ .. so you get the general idea that things are not all good in the dementia hood. So we established that dad is clearly not able to see himself anymore. Upon investigating this we have concluded that the mirror issue is very common with dementia sufferers albeit most see a companion where my dad sees an angry old man.
So we went about our lives until dad came for his last Sunday dinner that week. I say last because it is simply too hard to have him round now. Hard on me, the husband, the kids and not to mention the dogs which he proceeds to feed from the contents of his mouth when he thinks we are not looking. Even the strongest of stomachs would struggle with the latter. He has also pushed me twice recently and I am sure that this was because he could not remember my name and so wanted to get my attention but the look on his face that accompanied the push was a step too far for me. So when he was round for that last Sunday he told me that he had caught said man… I asked what he had done about it. He informed me that he remonstrated with the man and told him that if he ever showed up again he would do prison time for killing him and proceeded to remove him like this.. like this were some rapid arm movements which resembled him removing a large mirror. So I asked ‘dad did you take the mirror down then’ it would appear the mirror was simply ripped down from its’ place in the living room.
Again we go about our lives until the Monday when I get an email from the warden where dad lives. Dad had tried to rip the bathroom cabinet off the wall (another shitting mirror I had not even thought about) and thrown a cup of tea at another in the living room…so off we go again on another evening amongst juggling our lives, to remove the mirrors. Thankfully the husband was about otherwise frankly I would have been at loss on this one.
Now when dad moved to his new abode back in February the flat was looking great. We added mirrors because it added light and in fairness he has always been a vain bastard to boot so he was a lover of the mirror. What dad’s flat looks like now is a mess. In 5 months we now have tea stained walls, hooks where mirrors used to be now accompanied by pictures clearly hanging too high to hide the varying hooks, marks where dad has clearly tried and sometimes succeeded in removing the mirrors alone and a bathroom cabinet with no door and a bathroom wall with a poster where the mirror used to be.
Now earlier I mentioned that dad doesn’t come for dinner anymore and albeit my life is easier it doesn’t lessen the guilt I feel for not taking him to mine. I have vowed to myself that I will take him to the pub when the husband is away next week but frankly I may have to take some Valium before going, but today is Sunday so this morning we paid dad a visit.
The man was a literal fucking mess. Not only to look at but the state of his mind. He was all over the place and attempting to put on a singular shoe with laces, albeit he can’t put his own shoes on anymore let alone tie a lace not to mention that the laces were tied in severl knots!? The husband sorted that mess out with a fork and we swiped the shoe under the sofa..drama overted not to mention the trousers that were inside out buttoned but flies open with no underwear. Dead birds and all that but his delight at seeing the husband was clear yet reserves his scowl solely for me these days.
REMEMBER …keep doing what you’re doing I guess?
2 thoughts on “#FML”
Poor Bill, he seems to have gone down hill very quickly – something I’ve heard can happen suddenly with this horrific disease. I’m so sorry for you, Lucilia, being his daughter and having to see him like this, it is such a cruel thing. You are doing all you can for him but you must protect yourself and your family; thank goodness you have Tim and two wonderful children to look after you … not to mention those gorgeous dogs.
I will keep your Dad – our dear friend – in my prayers, but most of all I will pray for you as you have the hardest task a child could have.
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Thank you for your kind words Jeanne it’s a terribly cruel thing xx