Silver linings for my daughter

Sometimes our kids or small adults say things which surprise us. Side swiping if you know what I mean.

On a couple of occasions recently both of these adults have made comments that have made me sit back and think you know what these are good people, which albeit I knew because I am biased, but by good people I am mean that they are a credit to society. What I am trying to say is that in a world filled with so much sadness and hatred we need good kind people who play on a level playing field and my two are simply that. No agendas and who treat people as they wish to be treated. No back stabbing just plain old honesty. Good manners, kind and loving. In a world where we are becoming separatist and disconnected from each other, with social values ever changing in a society where we glorify the young and beautiful is it any wonder that we dread getting old and what lies ahead. Being around people who need help, such as my dementia Dad, has in some strange way helped my two learn some key skills including a level of tolerance that only something like dementia can teach you.

Throughout my life I have met, as we all do, people from different walks of life who come from different cultures, backgrounds and religious beliefs and I have always told my lot that life is not a dress rehearsal. You get one shot at this shit show and you must not live to regret your decisions. You simply learn from the fuck ups, which we hope aren’t too many, and move on hoping to not fuck up again. If you do? Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and keep going.

I have always told my lot to not expect anything from anyone for fear of being disappointed and whilst some may see this as a pessimistic view on life it also allows you to be self sufficient and not to get let down too easily.

I firmly believe in surrounding yourself with good people for whom you want good things for and they in turn for you with no expectations. You know the kind who you don’t see as often as you like but when you do it’s as if time has not passed at all and you pick up where you left off…the kind that can call on you and in turn you on them.

Mine have grown up to understand that simple view on friendship and to avoid people who are not out to be kind to them when their backs are turned… sometimes this still needs reminding!

My English grandfather , whom I was very attached to as a child, taught me to ‘never put off to tomorrow what you can do today’ be it taking the bins out or making that call to a loved one or whatever you have to do to keep going because the world keeps turning. Yes we all need ‘me’ time but actually there are lots of people who also need you and the skills that you bring to the table. You would amazed how far and wide you can spread and how resilient you really are. You are made of strong stuff and sometimes you should remind yourself of this.

So last week my youngest told me about her driving lesson where the instructor discussed how she had recently lost her father. I did mention that mine is always available on loan but it was sadly declined! The matter came up about moving on in life and my daughter said that if she had learnt nothing else from me then she had learnt about the ‘silver linings’ and imparted this with said instructor.

For a while (she’s Uber ditsy only yesterday telling me that someone had a brain haemorrhoid when in fact it was clearly a haemorrhage) I was a little lost on the silver linings until she explained it to me.

She said that no matter how bad things get I always look for the positives…. I asked what she meant and she explained, look at your Dad and his dementia. In every crazy thing he does you find humour and that’s the way that we should all live and love. Look for a smile and a silver lining because life is to be enjoyed.

So keep smiling readers. Whether it’s because you let a fart go on the plane blaming it on the children in the row behind you (sorry it was me kids and I felt terrible at the time but those kids were superbly annoying if you remember…) or because some old lady is playing tag rounds Tesco’s because she’s got dementia and clearly frustrating her carer. Just smile.

Would you rather be faced with a smile than a frown?

Life is very very short and silver linings are needed every day to keep the world turning.

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